[x]

I'm lyingI'm fucking fine.
Just dandy my dear.
Though my wrist are torn,
my lips sewed shut,
my heart crumbled on the floor
as I curl up in a tiny corner.

I'm still fine.
I am taking my medicine.
I'm doing what you want.
I am crying myself to sleep at night.

I'm just fine.
I have a smile on my face.
I have my sleeves pulled down.
I am standing here, aren't I?

I'm fine.
Why don't you believe me?
Everything is okay.

How are you today?

Oh, me? I'm just fine.

but I'm lying again.

All Over the Place...I have a plan.
I'll find a room.
I'll lock the door.
I'll refuse food.
I'm not hungry any more.
I'll fade away,
Like bubbles in a bath.
Yet every day,
I seem to laugh.

Laugh at the irony,
Of the simple comment;
'I'm going to kill myself'
When I realise I have a crap lesson.

My arm used to be covered from drawing.
And now it used for scarring.

I don't how I feel.
I don't want to believe the reality of it.
That I can't wear short sleeves or go swimming or… or…
It goes on and on.
But I like it…
The feeling of scars on my skin…
The adrenaline when I cut…
The pain that I can focus on…

I used to say it was because I wanted

Different?Many people say that cutting your wrist and drugs are totally different, but that is where they are wrong!!
Cutting starts out small, like drugs. You either come across it yourself, think that it will make you cool(-_-), or someone showed it to you. You only cut every now and then and only scratches or something. It's never enough to bleed, just enough to feel the pain. You do it for that feeling of being alive, the feeling of being something more, the feeling of control.

Like most drugs, though, it only last so long.

So you begin to use sharper knifes like pocket knifes or stake knifes. Also, instead of only doing it every now and then, I

They are the onesTheir the ones who never seem alone
The ones you think you know
The ones you know will never leave
The ones who wear long sleeves
The ones who act like they don't care
The ones who are always there
The ones who laugh through the day
The ones who seem so okay

They are the ones with awful scars
The ones stuck behind bars
The ones with battles that are years long
The ones who have done wrong
The ones who are suffering
The ones who are lying
The ones want lay down and die
The ones who, at night, will cry

They have scars on their wrist
They have bruises on their fists
They can't say they are okay
They will break down one day

save me...As you laid in bed
With visions of gum drops
Dancing in your head
I tossed and turned
In a sea of red
And with every passing moment
I wish I was dead
Save me

To CuttersTo all you cutters
stand up and
show your scars
show your cuts
show your pain
show your feelings
show your bravery
for showing everything
cause
together we will win
together we will fight
together we will stand strong
together we will throw away the blade
in this battle of cutting
so stand up
and show your pride
of your battles
and be free of the knife

Dear Diary, All About Her....Dear diary,

She showed me her arm today
Broken down, without a word to say
She lay in my arms and cried
And told me she can't decide
Between death and being alive

I saw all her bloody, raw skin
Rocking back and forth
Her knees pulled to her chin
A wrecked little doll
All dirty and used
Tired of being nothing at all
Enjoy the persisting abuse

I told her it hurts me to see
How she crumbles eventually
How I die right before her eyes
When she slips from my sight

But she just smiled and said
She can't help it
I know she doesn't try to be bad
But she's killing me
Slaughtering me beyond recognition
Like she's completing my fail

20 Reasons not to Kill Yourself1.)You are not worthless. Even if you think no one cares about you, someone does.

2.)You're beautiful. If someone ever told you were ugly, they are wrong. Beauty comes in all shapes and it is in the eye of the beholder.

3.)You would never be able to listen to your favorite songs again.

4.)You could never feel rain again, never feel the warmth of a fire or breeze in the crisp fall air. You would never be able to have the feeling swimming in the ocean or the sun on your cheeks

5.)Because someone told you to kill yourself. You should never listen to anything like that, because they are not worth crying over. Not worth dying over either.

6.)

My Dying Wish...I just want to cry,
To give up;
To die.

I hide my scars,
Yet I want them to be seen.
That way I'll be confronted;
Instead of having to speak up.

I want people to know.
But I don't want help.
I want, just, want people to say goodbye.
To agree with me.

That won't happen.
I'm helpless to myself,
And those around me.

Isn't there anything I can do?
To stop feeling so bad?

How did it begin today?
I Cut myself.

How did I go from good to bad?
I wanted to isolate myself.

How did I fall so bad?
Because how can I not be sad.

My bullies are sleep and comfort.
Torting me. Confusing me. Mocking me.
Laughing at me. Laughing at m

Involentary DistanceIf I curled up in a ball,
Would your warm arms hug me?

If I cried,
Would you wipe away my tears?

If I needed your hand to hold and your support,
Would you give it to me?

If I asked you to live a happy life,
Would you promise to try that for me?

If I asked you to forget me,
Would you forget me?

If I asked you to never speak to me again,
Would you do as I ask?

If you asked me "Why?"
Would I tell you?

If I said "Goodbye."
Would that do?

EverythingEverything,
Is just one big mess.
It hurts and I'm lost again.

I'm back to the beginning.
I've fallen down again.
But not to the bottom;
Not yet.

If I had,
I'm quite sure;
I wouldn't be here right now.

Everything becomes good,
But at the same time not.
If it isn't a heavy feeling,
It's a mean thought.

I know there are people worse off;
So why am I feeling this?
I have and am nothing,
A pathetic girl with…
Unique, silly scars…

This;
Is silly.
But it's true.

But I shouldn't feel this way.
I can't control my feelings, and
I can't control my thoughts.
I want to runaway…
Like I always do.
But I'm s

self hatredI don't know how you could see this body as perfect
When all I see is mistakes

I'm not sure how you looked into my eyes and said you saw angels
when all I can see is deep darkness hiding demons in the shadows

You claimed I'm was too skinny and needed to eat
I say I'm not skinny enough and refuse to touch anything

You said I should open
I say I'm under lock and key

You said you where leaving
I want you to stay

You said I was beautiful
I only see ugliness

You said you'd return
I knew you wouldn't

Your last words to me where full of hate
and finally we agreed on something

If Tears Left ScarsIf tears left scars,
I'd be ugly.

If tears left scars,
I'd never want the attention I'd be given.

If tears left scars,
I'd be a monster.

If tears left scars,
You wouldn't come near me.

If tears left scars,
I'd hear the whispers of people when I'm around.

If you saw me,
with scars from the tears I cry,
What would you do?

Would you make those sad, burning tears
into warm tears of laughter and joy and
make those scars disapper?

We are. . .

Some people do it for attention
Some do it for the pleasure
That comes with it
Watching you sit there and suffer

They don't know this feeling
When you can barely stand
Keeping the scars from healing
Having it all slip through their hand

They don't know depression
or all the ups and downs
or never wanting to go in the sun
or hiding cuts that'll never be found

They don't know
and they never will
They are out greatest foe
The ones who make our hearts stand still

We have meet with death
faced all our fears
We've stopped our breath
and have no more tears

We are the survivors
We lived to tell
We are the strugglers
with t

You never really cared for anythingsave the wounded and the broken
but forget about me
leave me to die here
leave me with a smile on your face
I beg for you to kill me
beg for your help
I was unimportant
I was of no use
I couldn't help anyone
My scars where new
I was a pathetic lier
I denied nun of what you said
All I wanted was your help
All you wanted was my pain

Browse More Like This

Download File
HTML, 1.3 KB more ▶

More from ~xlolipopxloverx

WhyMaybe if you would of listened to my screams
                               we wouldn't be here right now

Maybe if you would of helped me
                               I wouldn't have so many scars

Music helps!!!!

Hey guys
I was a cutter. ((well that escalated quickly. . . XD) I haven't cut in almost a month ))
ANYWAYS So I do battle with depression and when ever I am feeling down and feel like self harming I listen to music. I know there are many others out there who struggle with depression and/or self harming. I thought I would share some songs that I listen to for you guys :) and just a fair warning all the music is kinda weird. there is christian (like skillet though nothing big), a little scream-o, a few country songs, peppy songs, dance songs. Yeah they range to almost everything I hope you guys enjoy and like 'em. remember WE CAN

ActingYou claim that you know me
My back story and all
Well tell me this

Did you know:
-At the age of 13 I cut myself
-by time I was 15 I had already had 3 trips to the hospital for suicide attempts
-My only older brother sits in jail
-all of my classes are a year above my grade level
-I am bullied every single day
-I refuse to eat but am forced to
-I hate myself and my body
-I have let down way to many people in my life time
-Nothing I do is right
-I can't stand to wear my hair down because I feel unsafe when I do
-the reason I where long sleeves and pants year around

Don't act like you know me and my life
Until you've actually liv

Watery graveSo she sits there and stares
The reflection of the sky above
Looks so pretty on the water below
It shines in the rippled water
She reach out her hand
Try and just touch it
It's slowly pulling her in
Just simply tricking her

They wonder why she never reached up
The same image she wanted was above her
The clouds floated in the sky
So why not look up

They don't understand
They never understand
She reached for the sky once
But fell and got laughed at
Laughed at her intentions
why would she ever try again

Her fingers grace the water
It was already to late
The water has grabbed her
Already signed her fate

Everything is becom

I love my shadow...

I love my shadow more than I love me
She is so perfect
So beautiful
She shows no imperfections
She is always happy
So skinny
So alive
So nice
Why can't I be her
She is me
I am not
Why can't I be free like her
I am jealous of my shadow
Of how she has no scars
So no one will stare
Of how she hasn't ever smoked
So her lungs are pure and clean
Of how she is so pretty
Of how she is free
Of how she has no bruises
Of how she never cries
Why can't I be her

View Gallery · View Prints

Featured in Groups:

#imreallyNOTokay
... trust me!

#TheButterflyProject

#GetOverDepression

#Stop-the-Suffering
You're not alone. We care

#writingmadefun
Poetry is what We Do Here

#Dr4w1nG-f0r-FuUN

Details

Submitted: October 13, 2012
File Size: 1.3 KB
Submitted with: Sta.sh

Link

Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 10
Favourites: 26 [who?]
Views: 432 (0 today)
Downloads: 12 (0 today)

[x]

Just take a moment

by ~xlolipopxloverx, Oct 13, 2012, 5:34:16 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

So I had a dream last night
It was really . . . nice
I had no scars
no scabs
nothing but clean skin
I looked so happy
I had tons of friends
I was being rewarded for my grades
I didn't look ill
I was wearing shorts
I was doing stuff I hasn't in years
like swimming in the ocean
or at the pool
Walking around the house in short sleeves

I couldn't help but wonder
'is this how life would be
If I didn't make that first cut?
Would I not be addicted to smoking
Or not want to drink?'
I looked so happy
It was that kind of happiness
everyone wants to reach too
The kind I would die for

This is me saying this
A girl who at the age of 13
stop wearing shorts and short sleeves
A girl who lied to everyone
A girl who wanted love

Don't make that first cut
You wont be able to control it
no matter how strong you think you are
They will get deeper
To the point that this cut could kill you
They will become worst
That 10 will turn into 100
You can't keep it to just one spot
It will spreed
It will become something you need

It's not worth it. . .

Just take a momentby ~xlolipopxloverx

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Yeah. . . I don't really like my dreams. They make me feel bad -_- but seriously guys. Think to the future before you cut. I have cut before and I keep relapsing. badly. It's hard to stop too. Especially once you're on your own, because once you reach a point that you want to stop, you've pushed everyone away. Just don't. It's not worth it.

Stay strong guys

love 1 1

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

!404ErrorPageNotFound Oct 14, 2012

~alittlebitoffaith Oct 13, 2012

Yes its very hard to stop trust me I know I was 10'when I made my first cut I was only 11 when I tried to end my life it drives me crazy I can't stop the flashbacks or stop feeling the pain or guilt or stop the tears frm falling

~InGodzHandz Oct 13, 2012

Oh my goodness! I never knew that cutting could be as addicting as drugs.

~xlolipopxloverx Oct 13, 2012

if you look here --> [link]
you'll see that more. I compare cutting and drugs a lot O_O

~InGodzHandz Oct 13, 2012

It's as addicting as drugs.

~candygirl101010 Oct 13, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

u 2 my deer i no ur pain and i dont cut though i usto and it hurt b-cuz i had knowone not even myself anymore i reed this and think of those days u r a worier and i no u can overcome this

~xlolipopxloverx Oct 13, 2012

Thank you

~candygirl101010 Oct 14, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

~Rowlingson39 Oct 13, 2012 Student Writer

you too. stay strong.

~xlolipopxloverx Oct 13, 2012

Thank you!!

More from ~xlolipopxloverx

Featured in Groups:

Details

Statistics

Just take a moment

Just take a momentby ~xlolipopxloverx

The Journal Portal

Polls

What is your preferred drawing software?

deviantART [dee·vee·un'nt·ART]

Keep in Touch!

Deviousness

Add Media

Style